So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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