we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
