you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
