Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
