hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
