i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
