butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
