you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
