I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
