You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
