he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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