pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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