"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I will die if light touches me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
