im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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