how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
