As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
