trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
