one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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