Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i already hear my dad disowning me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
