Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
