If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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