I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
