I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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