you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
