yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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