Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
