I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
