how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
