Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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