I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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