Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
how does that bad decision feel?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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