do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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