When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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