I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
