she was so not down for the gang bang
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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