mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
