God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
