On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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