Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
