There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
