I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
