I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
