there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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