im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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