Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im having a threesome with these popsicles
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
