I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
