did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
