cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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