I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
