So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
