Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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